Shrimpy’s Crypto News

Satire, Memecoins & Cryptocurrency News

  • SAND Coin Has Way of Getting into Every Crack

    SAND Coin Has Way of Getting into Every Crack

    While having a sandbox to play and code in sounds fun and exciting, the reality is that you will find SAND in every crack, crease and orifice for weeks! This reporter took 3 showers, 1 cold plunge and air compressor enema and still managed to find grains of SAND in between my nuggets. Marketing promotions…

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  • Man Dies from Dysentery on the OriginTrail (TRAC)

    Man Dies from Dysentery on the OriginTrail (TRAC)

    Sheriffs from Crook County Oregon reported finding a man dead and decaying on the OriginTrail earlier this week. Autopsy findings revealed dysentery to be the cause of death. “Most likely this man was drinking unboiled water from a local mountain stream, or he recently returned from a foreign land that does engage in proper food…

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  • Balrog! Bitcoin Miners Dig Too Deep

    Balrog! Bitcoin Miners Dig Too Deep

    A BTC mine in Brazil went too far recently, releasing a fiery Balrog into this earth and immediately engulfing acres of the rainforest in flames. “I don’t see what the big deal is. Technically it came from the Middle of the Earth, and the rainforest is already on fire, so….” panned a droll local. Hearty…

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  • Litecoin Actually Quite Chunky – Says Dietician

    Litecoin Actually Quite Chunky – Says Dietician

    Like many diet fads that are sold as “healthy”, it appears that Litecoin (LTC) could be full of trans fat and hidden calories. “It’s actually quite chunky” said Dan Dribbler, a lesser known homeopathic dietician in the Appalachian Valley area. “I have been DCA’ing into Litecoin for the last 7 years and I have gained…

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  • FIL Coin: We Filed Some Stuff. Now What?

    FIL Coin: We Filed Some Stuff. Now What?

    We bought a proper filing cabinet for our FIL coin, hanging file dividers and manila file folders. Then we dropped our crypto wallet full of FIL coin into it. Now what? Any tips would be appreciated. “I’ve got files from before the Reagan era in an old kitchen cabinet” said this reporter’s grandmother. When a…

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  • Hordes of FLOKI Invade Web 3.0 Coastline

    Hordes of FLOKI Invade Web 3.0 Coastline

    Meta property owners be damned, this weekend hordes of FLOKI numbering in the tens of millions stormed a popular web 3.0 coastline beach community. The marauding was savage and ruthless, with mass counts of abductions and violent deeds being attributed to these cute ‘lil critters in their wee helmets. Prominently noted on the side of…

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Shrimpy’s Bag

Want to stay up-to-date on the most entertaining cryptocurrency news and blockchain tomfoolery? Shrimpy’s Crypto News has you covered with breaking updates on your favorite L1s, L2s, zombie chains, meme coins, Defi plays, DePin potholes, smart contract street urchins and degen slippage traders.

This site is for entertainment purposes only and should NOT be construed as fact, investment advice or logical conjecture. This site is pure farce, satire and comedy to lighten the hearts of the masses.

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