You like people telling you what to do? You like being a pay pig for fees? Well have I got some websites for you. No, you sicko I am not talking about a fetish party. I am talking about Centralized Exchanges for crypto trading. AKA chokepoints, aka off ramps, aka no fun, KYC throbbin automated market makers than are zapping your liquidity with every trade fee.

It’s the exact OPPOSITE of a decentralized crypto landscape, it’s literally rich people getting richer off your shrimpy DCA buy-ins and low-interest staking pools. And if you lose your login, well….much like a meta mask blunder, you are probably totally fucked.

Then one day you get an email saying you can no longer trade on a certain CEX cuz you are a US citizen, and hey, you cant login either. You need to buy a VPN to be able to login, to transfer your $87 of shitty AI coins to an eth wallet, oh but that one staking pool will take you 30 days to exit. WTF?

Go Defi. Find financial freedom.

Need more hilarious crypto news in your life? Hop into Shrimpy’s Bag and receive our newsletter with more fun posts about recent and usually unexpected crypto news.