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Local man afraid to buy 1INCH because of what it may imply
“I’m way bigger than that.” Bathed in sunlight and speedo, local crypto trader Thad Muggins has told Shrimpy’s that he is not buying 1INCH coin, mostly due to what he thinks it may imply about his manhood. ” I mean c’mon man. I’m in the DeFi game to GET the chicks, not scare them off.”…
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Polygon, MATIC or POL? Does anyone actually care?
In the world of rapidly growing L2 ETH chain availability, sometimes a rebrand can be the answer to increase blockchain volume. Other times it can just be super fucking confusing and makes this reporter say “but why?!!”. In a poll conducted by the team at Shrimpy’s, we found out that most traders, hodlers and casual…
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Trader who aped into APE coin, now living on Skid Row
In a classic riches-to-rags story, Donny Cheddar has fallen on a long term downtrend of hard times, starting with his conversion of a giant nest of US Treasury bonds into APE coin. This was a really poor decision in hindsight, as Donny bought-in near APE’s ATH of $27 and now the coin is trolling the…
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Prime Minister Ousted After Proposing Strategic JASMY reserve
The prime minister of Monrovia was voted out-of-office in a later night parliament vote after earlier comments in the week regarding the JASMY altcoin. Sources say the prime minister had been drinking too much behind closed doors, others suggest he was getting bad investment advice from his brother-in-law at holiday functions. “The fact the prime…
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Validator feels validated every god damn day!
Local node operator and validator for several blockchains, Victoria Storm enjoys the confidence and self-assuredness that a giant pile of crypto assets can bring. “I have so much fucking money it’s not even funny. I’ve been getting airdrops since 2017 and was staking way before it was cool.” Feeling the swell of power course through…
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Arbitrum: They’ve Got the Meats
While other Ethereum L2s offer little to be desired in area of delicious snacks and tasty sandwiches, Arbitrum comes in strong with its’ new Beef and Cheddar and Bacon and Prime Rib stackable grinder. Weighing in at over 1/2 lbs of greasy, saturated fat, this new offering from Arbitrum shows they are really putting down…
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Want to stay up-to-date on the most entertaining cryptocurrency news and blockchain tomfoolery? Shrimpy’s Crypto News has you covered with breaking updates on your favorite L1s, L2s, zombie chains, meme coins, Defi plays, DePin potholes, smart contract street urchins and degen slippage traders.
This site is for entertainment purposes only and should NOT be construed as fact, investment advice or logical conjecture. This site is pure farce, satire and comedy to lighten the hearts of the masses.
Shrimpy
Crypto Trader