Shrimpy’s Crypto News

Satire, Memecoins & Cryptocurrency News

  • Bitcoin Cash (BCH): Not Like Bitcoin or Cash

    You ever been in a room of BTC maxis and start asking about BCH? Well its a fucking horrible idea, so don’t ever do it. That’s like calling Bitcoin “crypto”. You will get daggers thrown at you from every pair of judgmental eyes and tossed into the irrelevant bin, along with DVD copies of Space…

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  • GRASS Coin: We Rolled it Up and Smoked It

    GRASS Coin: We Rolled it Up and Smoked It

    Regardless of the actual purpose of GRASS coin, we found if you hang it and dry it, you can smoke the flower portion and get reallllllly stoned. To be honest the flavor was a little harsh but that could have been cuz we rushed the drying process. You could also put it in a bong…

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  • Pump.fun? In My Day We Called it Makin’ Whoopie!

    Pump.fun? In My Day We Called it Makin’ Whoopie!

    After his grandson got burned with a memecoin launch rug pull on Solana, one local grandfather was heard yammering all the way at the bottom of the holler about how kids these days don’t go outside, and instead just pump their game who-diddies. “Pump.fun? In my day we called it makin’ whoopie! I used to…

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  • VET Coin : My Veterinarian Does Not Accept for Payment

    VET Coin : My Veterinarian Does Not Accept for Payment

    Since my dog Butter likes to eat weird objects at least 3 times a year, I often find myself at the veterinarian, having said strange things removed from her stomach. So boy was I stoked when I first got a whiff of VET Coin. Finally! A crypto project I could sink my canines into. I…

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  • TETHER (USDT): On Your Ankle for the Next 90 Days

    TETHER (USDT): On Your Ankle for the Next 90 Days

    In some cities, vandalizing your local 7-11 with fesces and toilet paper will get you community services and a hefty USDT fine. But the law in Stakeville doesn’t play, and one one wrong move can get you locked up in the pokey. Take it from this reporter. I had one crazy night fueled with nitrous…

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  • ANKR Settles at Bottom of  Finance Ocean

    ANKR Settles at Bottom of Finance Ocean

    Deep in the lowest depths of the Defi universe, we see ANKR slowly sliding closer and closer to the Mariana Trench of the finance world. Surrounded by giant squid, king crab, lobster, mollusk and sharks, ANKR could find itself fish food for some of the larger Megs released into the ocean. Jonas Bornus has been…

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Shrimpy’s Bag

Want to stay up-to-date on the most entertaining cryptocurrency news and blockchain tomfoolery? Shrimpy’s Crypto News has you covered with breaking updates on your favorite L1s, L2s, zombie chains, meme coins, Defi plays, DePin potholes, smart contract street urchins and degen slippage traders.

This site is for entertainment purposes only and should NOT be construed as fact, investment advice or logical conjecture. This site is pure farce, satire and comedy to lighten the hearts of the masses.

Shrimpys Crypto News

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