Shrimpy’s Crypto News

Satire, Memecoins & Cryptocurrency News

  • (OP) Optimism: “Yeah, right..” Says Local Pessimist

    (OP) Optimism: “Yeah, right..” Says Local Pessimist

    When word hit the streets in this small town that a new ETH L2 would be optimistically rolling up transactions, local pessimist, my dad, said “Yeah, right. Fucking bullshit.” Thing is, what the fuck does he know? He just watches Let’s Make a Deal and swears at the TV all day. I think he has…

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  • LUNC Chart Resembles San Andreas Trench

    LUNC Chart Resembles San Andreas Trench

    You ever see that movie The Abyss? Where the drilling machine is pulled over the deepest gorge in the ocean and falllllllllllllllls into the darkness. Well from a TA point of view, the LUNCUSD trading pair looks very similar to that falling into the abyss price action. Shenanigans erupted years ago and pitched price action…

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  • Heidi Klum Revealed as Satoshi Nakamoto?

    Heidi Klum Revealed as Satoshi Nakamoto?

    When the mistress of Halloween, Heidi Klum, showed up at a recent Hollywood party dressed in a somewhat revealing Bitcoin costume, the rumor mill kicked into full gear. Is Heidi Klum also the long sought after Satoshi Nakamoto, creator of Bitcoin? Could it be? Shrimpy’s went deep undercover as fledgling fashion designers and followed Tim…

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  • Man Travels Back in Time to Buy Bitcoin at $1, Ends Up in 1793

    Man Travels Back in Time to Buy Bitcoin at $1, Ends Up in 1793

    Ron Denver won $50,000 in his state’s scratch off lottery ticket contest. Rather than piss it away and coke and whores, Ron hatched a brilliant plan. An investment plan. A strategy, the most macro mofo strategy of all time. And it was just sitting there in plain sight. So obvious it was a wonder why…

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  • (IOTA) Not Showing an Iota of a Bull Trend

    (IOTA) Not Showing an Iota of a Bull Trend

    Do you need to explain the concept of gravity through a cryptocurrency chart? Well pull up a candlestick chart of IOTA, a distributed ledger technology, and you can see things are going down, down, down, down. They goin down, down down. Ever seen a downtrend started in 2017 that’s still going? Check out IOTA. What…

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  • (CEX): Centralized Exchanges. Not as Sexy as They Sound.

    (CEX): Centralized Exchanges. Not as Sexy as They Sound.

    You like people telling you what to do? You like being a pay pig for fees? Well have I got some websites for you. No, you sicko I am not talking about a fetish party. I am talking about Centralized Exchanges for crypto trading. AKA chokepoints, aka off ramps, aka no fun, KYC throbbin automated…

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Shrimpy’s Bag

Want to stay up-to-date on the most entertaining cryptocurrency news and blockchain tomfoolery? Shrimpy’s Crypto News has you covered with breaking updates on your favorite L1s, L2s, zombie chains, meme coins, Defi plays, DePin potholes, smart contract street urchins and degen slippage traders.

This site is for entertainment purposes only and should NOT be construed as fact, investment advice or logical conjecture. This site is pure farce, satire and comedy to lighten the hearts of the masses.

Shrimpys Crypto News

Shrimpy

Crypto Trader