Shrimpy’s Crypto News

Satire, Memecoins & Cryptocurrency News

  • VET Coin : My Veterinarian Does Not Accept for Payment

    VET Coin : My Veterinarian Does Not Accept for Payment

    Since my dog Butter likes to eat weird objects at least 3 times a year, I often find myself at the veterinarian, having said strange things removed from her stomach. So boy was I stoked when I first got a whiff of VET Coin. Finally! A crypto project I could sink my canines into. I…

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  • TETHER (USDT): On Your Ankle for the Next 90 Days

    TETHER (USDT): On Your Ankle for the Next 90 Days

    In some cities, vandalizing your local 7-11 with fesces and toilet paper will get you community services and a hefty USDT fine. But the law in Stakeville doesn’t play, and one one wrong move can get you locked up in the pokey. Take it from this reporter. I had one crazy night fueled with nitrous…

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  • ANKR Settles at Bottom of  Finance Ocean

    ANKR Settles at Bottom of Finance Ocean

    Deep in the lowest depths of the Defi universe, we see ANKR slowly sliding closer and closer to the Mariana Trench of the finance world. Surrounded by giant squid, king crab, lobster, mollusk and sharks, ANKR could find itself fish food for some of the larger Megs released into the ocean. Jonas Bornus has been…

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  • DOT: Polkadot – Uh…I Still Don’t Get It

    DOT: Polkadot – Uh…I Still Don’t Get It

    This Shrimpy’s reporter booked a week at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean, only to discover it was some kind of Polkadot time-share scam. I heard the word “interoperability” like a billion times and it still made no sense. All the staff were dressed in vanilla and teal polka-dotted clothing with parachute pants and it…

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  • AI Agent Falls in Love with Target in Spy Game Romance

    AI Agent Falls in Love with Target in Spy Game Romance

    After a race through Paris on motorbikes, a bloody fist fight on a motel balcony and plenty of gunfire, X24WahWah, AI Agent by trade, fell deeply in love for their target. After living undercover in a bungalow in Wales for 3 months, X24WahWah fell hard for their neighbor, Stan Hardswallow. A gentleman valued in his…

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  • SUSHI News: Sushiswap Temporarily Shut Down by Health Department

    SUSHI News: Sushiswap Temporarily Shut Down by Health Department

    During a busy lunch rush this week Sushiswap (SUSHI) was temporarily shut down by the health department. Docked for messy prep stations, cleaning products stored next to food products and lack of hand washing stations throughout the kitchen, the very busy swap received notice they had 48 hours to comply or receive further suspensions. “48…

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Shrimpy’s Bag

Want to stay up-to-date on the most entertaining cryptocurrency news and blockchain tomfoolery? Shrimpy’s Crypto News has you covered with breaking updates on your favorite L1s, L2s, zombie chains, meme coins, Defi plays, DePin potholes, smart contract street urchins and degen slippage traders.

This site is for entertainment purposes only and should NOT be construed as fact, investment advice or logical conjecture. This site is pure farce, satire and comedy to lighten the hearts of the masses.

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